The heart of this GREAT NATION.
Test market supreme. Drugged abandon. Abandonment complexes: complexes upon complexes ruining our complexions. We’ve extruded a Perfect Pigskin Heaven for a Hoggy Soul.
Mumble-Squeak Corpocunt puffed up and landed in the middle of Grunt Country. Now, we’ve gone to market. Tic tic only a minute before the fat and rust overcome us.
The cloud encircled womb: home of the bleak n pasties grown in batches stubby fingered and pusshumped. Who nailed the ‘you are here’ sign to this dump? The sun also rises in the east before we eat it- being so drunkhungry and bloatthirsty- and fart it out for the West to reinterpret.
How we love to hate, here. How we hate it and love it here. DTF with the cheap and cheesy, skanky n sleazy while holding our angry red thermometer up the rest of the country’s constipated ass. Innocent people leave here to become mega famous. Heinous people stay here and become infamous. We got waves coming and getting the fuck out. We got stars in our woodwork and panelling over our stars. Notice how often Ohia’s referenced in the national media, TV shows, movies. We like our attention: we have football-stadium-sized ego and Mr. Magoo type vision. But, the attention, good bad and fugly, we’re positively whores for it.
We’re the pill head revolutionaries the dot com despots and microbrew magnates. How can we possibly lose?
Ohia! Ohia! Humid cleft where ignorant rednecks wrassle equally ignorant big-city thinkers (and other corporate oinkoinkoinkers) in never ending matches of spiraling moral turpitude. Pillmills and fentanyl, strip malls and truck balls. Warehouses and human mouses we got ‘em in fades. We got piggy squat women that look like canned hams shakin’ it to The Best Damn Band in the Land. Bless us every bro and ho with a pharmaceutical glow. This is our glacial legacy: Range Rover, Range Rover let your dumb ass come over and spread your seed, inflate your football and thrive: a guinea pig among guinea pigs: a tosser among men.