Forgotten

halogen headlights from above puncture your eyes open and the stinking wind down the channel slams them shut again
you’re awake now and you can’t remember your name your body is one raging dumpster fire
your throbbing head has to figure out
your limbs won’t cooperate
this is what happens, you know
so many questions for you questions that might have been asked more conveniently prior to… now

questions questions questions
what the fuck’s going on how did i get here?

the stop light visible just above the retaining wall blinks red the branches wave red dark red the traffic signal’s eternal flame flash blots the rusty, blank expanse with its sterile fire

stop stop stop

you had protection
i was your human shield
locked onto your jaw
hanging from your spires
i was good, but you were

that

much

better

until you got bored and decided you needed a significant change to your chemical composition
leaving your corpus wide open
for exploitation

The palliative approach

yield yield yield

you’re a college level course
in wasting time
and more energy
than OPEC
a compulsion you cannot control
you’re an artisanal
propulsive concoction
of obsessive
what ifs and shouldas
and why nots

do you remember now?
the sun’s coming up
the red flash is lost to
orange wash
over these mortal signifiers
your core is melting you ooze a sullen stew
you’re spraying it forward because- even when you weren’t insane- you still didn’t understand
what the point is was or will be

what’s happening, again? The concrete is heating up.

your commitment to misrule guides you in the face of perversity
it’s always with you
magnified by transcendental
fragmentation

bound ahead, anyway… you flimsical soul…
dry up those feelings that came out of somewhere with your fluid soaked collar
and
get to slinging

it seems you’ve got more work to do
before you can afford the luxury
of self-awareness

it’s been a heavy, uncomfortable lifetime

make that three

getting out of your own way has always been the issue

the enemy within is formidable, unreal becoming more solid every time he’s summoned
call and response
in extremis

your toes are curling, and not from the fun of it

maybe this bout will solder your circuits into a more logical configuration

you have a ton of shit in your mess kit
this much is obvious these things come so easily, it might just be the real you you’re looking for

LOOK!
there’s a ladder go ahead and climb it
what will you find when you get to the top? same thing you discovered at the bottom:

lots of poor you
Lots of baby need a spankin
Lots of ‘Suck my exhaust, nigga!’
and (even when you were oriented to place and time) lots of where and who the hell am I and what exactly is THIS?

it’s too early to tell
but this is preferential,..
you starting from scratches
in this strobic setting
out here
in the middle
of this storm channel
free
naked
and scuffed
from the waste up
with the sour taste of
yesterday’s success (?)
burning your throat

IMG_y9zx7y

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