Comfort certainly has its disadvantages – our comfy chair in the living room, a comfortable routine at work, a comfortable relationship- all conspiring to reform us into soft-serve turds of the neediest sort. With all the disadvantages of the all-encompassing comfort modern western culture can afford us (if we can afford it), here are some things you should know about our hallowed, beloved, so-called comfort zone.

The comfort zone is where most of middle to upper-class life is played out. If life is like a game- and many seem to feel comfortable with this analogy (and comfort’s what we’re going for here)- then those of us dribbling our balls in the safe zone will, more than likely, end up in the stalest of stalemates. While we can certainly win by playing it safe, we won’t have won by a respectable enough margin. Yes… you can still be loser who won by a wimpy two, three, who-gives-a-crap points. Real winners have a point spread of a minimum of ONE HUNDRED points. To make this easy to grasp for the common demonimator, consider a football field: 90 percent of this idiotic game is played between the 20-yard lines. That’s why they call anything outside that area the “red zone” – it’s where the difference in the game is made.

As you all know, it’s pretty safe in the comfort zone. That is why you can find most of your friends and neighbors lounging around this region in their tacky-ass sweatpants and flip flops. So narcotized and necrotized by comfort and convenience are they, they have abandoned all sense of dignity, not to mention true style. In the comfort zone, they may be numbly aware of the rigid boundaries, the dull landscape, and the other comfortable, albeit garrulous, players. But, if YOU are on the RIGHT TEAM, there is little or no risk; a misstep here or there is not very costly (unless someone let their dog loose on the field). And, like the football team that’s trapped between the 20-yard lines, we cannot win in the comfort zone.

And winning is what life is all about. Only losers will tell you it’s about having fun or sportsmanship or fairness. Do you believe these people?

How do you win? It’s a very subjective state of being. How you win is defined by what you were taught. Because competition is tough, in order to achieve what you were programmed to do, you will need an edge. If you turn your comfort zone into a FLASHING RED ZONE, you can gain back your edge. Unless you die first. If you remain in the standing waters of comfort, you lose sight of the edge. You must ignite your own sense of adventure to explore the edge, to roll in the fire, to dance on the cliff, to slap the world in the face with your dick- or labia- and see what’s up.

well… WHAT’S UP!!!!!!!

You see, learning and growth only occur when we are uncomfortable, falling apart, on the verge of collapse, destitute, devoid, bereft. Think of the defining moments of learning and growth in your life. Were you hanging out in your comfort zone? No, you were dangling over the edge and some son-of-a-bitch was tap dancing on your fingers. Most play the game of life as Milton Bradley tokens. There are those of us who are so comfortable living within the RED ZONE, where often there is no safety net, that they wind up incarcerated. These are the true movers and shakers. Give it up for them. Interestingly enough, for most of them to get out of their particular comfort zones, they will need to strap on a commoner’s lifestyle; quite frankly, many of them would rather fry in the electric chair.

What does this tell you?

It takes more energy to resist change than it does to embrace it. The problem is, it takes next to no energy at all to stagnate and stagnation is oft interpreted as ‘being comfortable’ or ‘being normal’. Maybe you simply do not have any energy left to push your life into the red. We understand. There is a place for you, in the valley of the turds, where they will welcome you with open mouths. However, if you are able to tap into your reserves, a thrilling life of mystery, intrigue AND SO MUCH MORE could be yours.