- there is no “u” in “come”!
- people that use straws are healthier than those who don’t!
- give buns not guns!
- if you can’t give 110% then you shouldn’t give a damn!
- bad habits spoil useful associations!
- up with people, up with the planet!
- a fat sack has no equal!
- everything eventually turns either brown or black!
- can-do attitude gets the bone boiled!
- make it happen!
- bake some bread, feed some people, smoke some grass!
- enjoy life… eat someone out, often!
- it takes a wise man to move a mountain, but it takes an idiot to really make things happen!
- push the pink!
- hang a salami!
- straws are for sick people!
- go horny!
- always signal!
- some people enjoy figs, some enjoy pomegranates, some enjoy both… make room for everyone or PREPARE TO DIE!
- wash your ass!
- add two and two and figure shit out!
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47 NATURAL HIGHS!
Really think about these, one at a time, BEFORE going on to the next one…
IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end. IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD… JUST ADMIT IT.
- Falling in love with the idea of falling in love.
- Laughing so hard someone else’s face hurts for a change.
- A warm and golden shower.
- No lines at the supermarket, and a wraparound line forming at your zipper.
- A soft kiss below the belt.
- Getting good news from your attorney.
- Taking a slow, deep ride on a pretty, pretty pony.
- Your favorite song playing nonstop in your head until you have to bash it against a wall to let the music out so everyone else can enjoy it.
- Lying in bed listening to the gunshots and feeling a sense of relief that it’s not you… yet.
- Hot, loquacious bowels.
- Chocolate chasing.
- A pudding bath and a mojito.
- Giggling when there’s nothing funny.
- A good conversation leading to a soft kiss below the belt.
- Scratching your ass and getting glad.
- Finding a wallet.
- Laughing at yourself as you spend the money from the wallet.
- Putting the wallet back where you found it after wiping off all prints.
- Midnight prank phone calls that last until 6 in the morning.
- Running naked through carwashes.
- Laughing ‘til your sides hurt because that straitjacket tickles.
- Having someone tell you that you’re beautiful before administering a soft kiss below the belt.
- Seeing karma catch up to a self-righteous co-worker.
- Having friends with benefits, cash and prizes.
- Accidentally overhearing something that you can use to your benefit later.
- Waking up at 50 and realizing you still have a few years left to live your life the way you really want to.
- Your first kiss below the belt (either the very first or a particularly wet one).
- Making new messes and spending time with old ones.
- Playing with a new human puppy.
- Feuille de Rose and Cabernet.
- Eating at a buffet with your shirt and pants unbuttoned.
- H0t Ch0colate Banana Splitz Pts. 2, 6, 7 & 12
- Boozy road trips with guns.
- Practicing tying elaborate knots on a sleeping friend.
- Making eye contact with a cute stranger, then furtively slipping into a public restroom.
- Baking chocolate chip voodoo dolls.
- Convincing your friends to send you money.
- Holding hands with someone you want something from.
- Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change but that’s immaterial because, now, you’re middle aged and you want to bang them.
- The fact that they’re married, have several autistic kids and their life is a real mess makes it even hotter.
- Watching the expression on someone’s face as they open an elaborately wrapped empty box.
- Watching the sunrise through tequila goggles.
- Getting out of bed every morning and planning the systematic destruction of the office you work in.
- Knowing that there is somebody out there just like you… but uglier.
- Getting a hug from someone who smells like a doughnut.
- Saving a fart in an air tight jar. (Which can also be placed in the aforementioned empty box for added style).
- Knowing you’ve done the right thing, no matter what society, the police, judge and jury say.
Blackboulder 